February 2012
reactiveingredients asked: ALL YOUR POSTS = HAHAHA LIFE. YET STILL THE LIVING. YOU ARE OK, BUT YOU ARE BORED. DO YOU MAKE ART? YOU OBVIOUSLY LIKE ART. DO YOU MAKE IT? WHERE DOES ONE GO TO ENJOY YOUR BRAIN WITHOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH THE WHINING?
FATHER
I think my favourite thing about my father is that he cries whenever Aaliyah is mentioned. We watched a documentary about her death a year or so after it happened and he lost it. He’s never been able to deal with it.
“Much love and Twitter hugs to my Harvard OPM classmates. I miss y’all, our...”
– Harvard graduate Tyra Banks.
Anonymous asked: did you shop for your new glasses by yourself?
I got the pizza free because it was so late, and...
Anonymous asked: suck Blair's dick
FUCK THE UNIVERSE
I sat down at my desk at 1:26pm and I unpaused the episode of Fringe I was watching before work—it was at 26:04. I paused it just now to go and get a mouthful of water at precisely 30:52, which means four minutes and forty-eight seconds had elapsed. Except it is now 1:34pm.
Eight minutes minus the four minutes and forty-eight seconds equals three minutes and twelve seconds that the...
“Like when you go into a restaurant and say, ‘Do you have ranch?’ and...”
– Courteney Cox.
1 tag
CLEVER PRICK
So I saw a guy in the street just now wearing a really long shirt, and he was holding a sheet of paper in his hand and looking back and forth up the street confused as if he was lost. This is pretty common around here because there are plenty of foreigners and all the streets look the same, so I made myself look open to assisting and he gestured me over with an “excuse me”.
He...
“Welcome to Earf.”
– Two time Academy Award™ nominee Will Smith, Independence Day.
PRAGMATISM
I want to cut my mother out of my life simply because she has an uncanny knack for calling me when I’m trying to nap. This is the third time this month and I’m ready to destroy the relationship and burn all the bridges.
HEALTHY REACTIONS
So today at work I was helping the receptionist and our disgusting old photocopier leaked some, I don’t know, grease or some shit onto my hand, so I go to the sink nearby and it winds up spraying water all over me, and my immediate involuntary reaction to these events was to loudly proclaim: “Jesus fucking Christ I just want to be dead”. She paused for a second, unsure, but then...
1 tag
“I didn’t know it was a gay bar until I went inside, I never go to them by choice...”
– ringroads.
$1
I’m convinced the tumblr highlighting feature is a scam because I am yet to see a single highlighted post despite following some seriously egotistical whack jobs.
Wouldn’t it be great if it highlighted your own post for you, but it didn’t affect anyone else’s dashboard at all?
