May 2012
DO UNTO OTHERS
I’ve had an annoying cold all week and my darling housemate Charlie has been leaving me presents like Betadine rinses and Strepsils, making me chicken broth and spaghetti bolognaise and garlic bread, and being so lovely and helpful.
Rewind to a few months ago when she had a bit of a cold, I was locking up my bedroom, yelling “don’t touch my shit you fucking bitch, I don’t...
Anonymous asked: What do you think of that hideous arcade they just opened in Fortitude Valley?
My chest is too hairy for Vicks VapoRub. Half a...
WatchHey I’m home sick and my building has been testing its piercing fire alarm for forty minutes now I’m pretty sure it works.
This blog is now a chronicle of my collapse into...
“[A]nd I would be a social flatmate who also understands and loves people in...”
– The latest person to reply to my housemate ad sounds like a perfect match for my personality.
Six weeks of living with me she’d probably slash her wrists in the bath.
REASONABLE REACTION
I’m watching a British reality television show that pays private investigators to spy on how many calories fat families consume when going about their daily business, and I got tired of rewinding this particular bit over and over so I turned it into a gif that I can watch repeatedly without clicking on anything or moving any part of my body at all:
It’s 3mb so be patient.
MEET THE FOCKERS
I share a passing resemblance to my boyfriend’s brother David, and I like to joke a lot about how he’s hiding a secret sexual desire for his own sibling, a la Seinfeld’s ‘The Cartoon’. He doesn’t like that. Various people have pointed out the resemblance, but really, it’s just that we both wear similar glasses and our hair naturally comes to a point on the...
extrafirmhold asked: There are two things I like about you: 1) Your truly painful life-quandary of having to share the world with others. And 2) The fact that you probably know every beat of Ciara's 'Work' so intimately, that Missy et al are less qualified. If you do not continue existing this way, anything I do on a Saturday night, are unjustified.
STRANGER DANGER
I just had a stranger in my house judging it to see if it was a suitable place to live and my nerves are shot. I haven’t felt anxiety like this since 2004 when I was walking through South Bank with my friend Tara and we realised we had accidentally stumbled into the middle of a gigantic crowd of fuckwit hoony guys going to some custom car convention and I started panicking and lost control...
jmineuro asked: So then, what does the Frenchman inside you do when it comes to Roquefort?
CORN SMUT
I know this is boring but I’ve had a stressful day and I just can’t let this corn smut shit go. I’m breathing too deeply and I’m struggling to slow it down. I’m just so unbelievably angry. That shit is mould. It’s fucking half a kilo of mould dangling down off that corn like so many gigantic sweaty fucking scrotums. I can’t handle it.
There’s a...
Anonymous asked: i wish you could be my gay mentor and talk me through all this never-ending disappointment as a homosexual. are there gays out there with morals? is it normal to be cheated on? why do they all have insatiable need for attention? what are you biggest learnings?
“The President knows how uncomfortable I am made by fat people. Wanna know the...”
– Selina Meyer, Veep.